Big sigh

I took Yoga tonight for the first time in years – a gentle, pre-bedtime Yoga class.  I felt overwhelmed with emotion as I bent, stretched, and relaxed my body in a purposeful way, tuned out everything else racing through my head and zeroed in on my breath.  And as I listened to the soothing tones of instructor, Laurie’s voice, I found myself overwhelmed by emotion and I couldn’t fight back my tears.  What was I crying about?
In that moment, it occurred to me how relieved I felt to be doing something good for myself – not just by doing Yoga, but in coming here to Deerfield altogether and deciding to use the trip to improve my life.  I also felt sad – sad about having treated myself so poorly for so long before coming here, sad about short-changing my children by not being the best person and best mom I could be, and by setting such a poor example for them.  And finally, I felt a small glimmer of hope that I might finally be able to change my life, head in a constructive direction, and take life’s usual challenges in stride.  After a moment, my tears gave way to calm.  I naturally slowed down my breathing, filled my lungs with air, and finished the class with a feeling of peace, completely buying into the wonderful affirmation Laurie shared with us.  This is what it said:

I am gentle to all beings
I easily forgive myself and others
I am free of fear and anger
I move away from judging to loving
I embrace all, trusting the Divine flow
My heart is pure

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