Archive for August 2009
Well, hi everyone. Bari here. Back home. And I’m doing OK. Making time for exercise, eating very well. The first thing I did when I got home was I went through my kitchen and got rid of all the junk. Just threw it out. Actually, no that’s not true. The first thing I did even before I got to my house, is I stopped at the supermarket and bought myself Chai Tea (decaf), my new favorite!, oatmeal, a carton of liquid egg whites, a couple of apples, low-sodium deli turkey, and a pint of grape tomatoes. This way I new I’d have what to grab my first couple of days home. I also bought some soups from Deerfield to bring home with me, so I have those for the fridge and the freezer to grab quickly without having to fuss or cook. They’re really coming in handy.
I also pre-seasoned a bunch of chicken breasts and put them in ziplock bags for the fridge and freezer, so I can grab them and throw them on the grill or in the oven quickly – they’re already washed and seasoned, so easy! I realized I had to make things easy for myself, and so far, so good. I mixed up a batch of no-oil salad dressing like the one at Deerfield and that’s in my fridge now too.
I have to go out and buy a scale. I don’t have one, and I know the weight on a home scale will probably be slightly different than the one at Deerfield – just because every scale is slightly different, so I’m going to try not to stress about that.
At any rate, here I am, I’m on my way. I’ll write again soon.
Well I’m going home tomorrow, and I’m having every emotion imaginable. Looking forward to getting home, seeing everybody, showing off my new, “svelter” figure, getting back to routine, which I actually do miss. But so sad to be leaving this very, very special place, where it’s easy to take care of myself, where there’s always someone to chat with, where someone cooks my meals and makes my bed!! It’s just a feel-good place, very warm and nurturing, and everybody really genuinely cares about each other.
Of course I have some residual nervousness about not “blowing it all” and returning to old habits when I go home, but I’m going to take all that one step at a time.
I just have to say thank you to everyone at Deerfield – not only for this incredible experience, but also for inviting and allowing me to document my journey here in this blog. It was such a helpful part of the whole experience and gave me an outlet for all the thoughts and feelings I had along the way.
I lost 18-and-a-half pounds while I was here! And I am PSYCHED! But more meaningful than the number on the scale is the peace and resolve I feel in my heart. I will never forget everyone I met on my Deerfield journey, all my lessons learned, and I will never forget how much this place has meant to me.
Magic? I don’t know, but today during my power walk after breakfast I suddenly started thinking and feeling differently about my ability to sustain all the positive changes I’ve made here after I return home in less than a week. All of a sudden I found myself thinking and saying to myself, “Of course I can do this at home. It’s not going to be that hard. I am in the groove and I WANT to keep doing it, and I think I’ve been making it out in my mind to be more complicated than it needs to be.” In that moment, I realized I had traded fear for a genuine sense of competency. And it wasn’t just aspirational self-talk. It felt REAL. It felt like magic.
I don’t know where this sudden shift came from, but I realized, “Of course I’m capable of shopping for the right groceries and cooking the right things and making the right choices in restaurants and refraining from recreational munching.” First of all, I have to go grocery shopping anyway, so I’ll just buy the things that will make it easy for me to stay healthy. I’ll make a list and stick with it. Though that the kids will want their junk in the house, I’m not buying it! So there! I’ve been planning anyway to have a plan each week for what dishes to cook each week, what snack items to prepare in advance so they’ll be easy t grab. I’ll do what I’ve done here the couple times I’ve gone out – I’ll make a plan in advance as to what I’m going to eat and drink if it’s a place that serves alcohol. The more I plan, the less afraid I have to be.
It’s like having a to-do list. I have always found a to-do list a great anxiety reliever. If it’s all down in black and white, I don’t have to worry about it. I’ll know exactly what needs to be done the next time I sit down to work, or the next time I set out for errands, or the next time I clean my house. If it’s all part of a plan, I don’t have to worry about doing it when I’m NOT working.
But I think the other factor at work here is mindset. Of course having a plan is crucial. Having the right knowledge, skills and tools is crucial. But a can-do mindset, especially when it’s not just self-directed propaganda, but GENUINE, somehow makes putting the plan, skills, and tools to work, seem do-able. And I don’t know where the mindset shift came from today, but I’m going to embrace it, trust it, and run with it.
This is uncanny. I guess I made an extra hard push this week because I knew it was my last here, but even I can’t believe it! I lost 4.25 pounds this week. I’m very grateful and I have to admit, pretty proud of myself too. Most of all, I’m so glad I’m on my way to a healthier me. I have about another 25 pounds I need to lose to be at my goal, but this is the most awesome start I could have imagined and all I can say is Yay!
It’s August 3. That means I’m in the final countdown to the end of my stay here. I go home next week. And I’ve been feeling a lot of fear… Fear that once I get home, real life will take over and I’ll go right back to my old ways: glued to my desk chair for the better part of ten or more hours straight, putting work ahead of my health, telling myself I can’t take or make the time to exercise, eating unhealthfully, either by eating the wrong things for me, eating too much of the right things, eating when I’m not hungry, eating when I’m nervous or upset, or eating just to be social. The other thing I’m scared about is going right back to my old tense self. I’ve been so relaxed and balanced here, I’m afraid that being back in the real world, all the usual stressers will take over again and I won’t be able to keep my perspective on things.
I just have to remember that I’ve been keeping mental and actual notes about the healthy habits I’ve hopefully acquired here and hope like heck that I’ll have the strength and discipline to do the right thing at the right time – even when that means walking AWAY from work, taking a break with a friend, or postponing cleaning the house until after a walk around the block. These are the kinds of things you would think would be easy to do, but for me, work is a much more comfortable default mode and I actually have to nudge myself toward the pleasurable, the relaxing, and the balancing aspects of a healthy daily routine. Wish me luck.